A Werewolf's Pain
by George is hot-MrsMoony
Summary: R/R Moony has a problem he misses his friends and no 1 can help him
1. Default Chapter

A/n *crying* How can she kill Padfoot?! My favorite part was when Harry was in Snape's memory. LOL....  
  
If I owned Harry Potter Sirius would be alive so HA  
  
A Werewolf's Pain  
  
I watched him fall shock on his wasted face. I wanted to scream. But I saw Harry running, I grabbed him.  
  
"There's nothing you can do, Harry"  
  
"Get him, save him, he's only just gone though!"  
  
"It's too late, Harry"  
  
"We can still reach him"  
  
"There's nothing you can do, Harry ...nothing ...he's gone." I didn't want to believe it. Oh God Sirius.  
  
"He hasn't gone!"  
  
"SIRIUS! SIRIUS!  
  
"He can't come back, Harry", I told him tears in my eyes. I wanted to run too. I didn't want to believe it. Not Padfoot. My last friend. "He can't come back, because he is d"  
  
"HE - IS - NOT - DEAD!" Harry yelled "SIRIUS"  
  
I don't know how I kept it in. Harry was crying. I couldn't cry. It should have been me. Harry needed him. Why would he need me 


	2. A New Hope

Hi kids I am JKR! If u believe that u need 2 go 2 a mental hospital.  
  
Chapter 2  
  
At Sirius' funeral  
  
"Pain from this life, pain from this lie, pain from trying to be ok when I don't know if I will ever be ok again, Padfoot you were it. My last friend, Harry's last chance of knowing a family, but we know you are with Prongs. The two of you probably are laughing at me being the last one. I can almost hear James' voice 'Padfoot look at Moony! He has gray hair!' then Sirius' 'Good to die young, that way we don't get old and gray.' Sometimes when I reminisce of our days at Hogwarts I can't help but laugh. Sirius the troublemaker, James the troublemaker, Peter stupid git always was, and then me the good boy. Now I am alone... the one who I thought would leave this world first will leave it last. Sirius died fighting for the one person he cared most about, Sirius Black was a hero. Padfoot I will not let you down. If it is my last breath I will protect Harry. That is my vow, and I will not break it. Never! That is my promise to you and James." 


	3. New found life

Why do we have 2 do this? Listen carefully people I - D-O N-O-T O-W-N H-A-R- R-Y P-O-T-T-E-R. Here is something JKR does and is getting wonderfully rich off it, were as I am 13 and making nada from it.  
  
Ch 3  
  
"Harry?"  
  
"I don't want to talk to any 1 Professor."  
  
"If you ever feel like talking I'm here you know." Remus said heavily  
  
"Why bother I'll probably get you killed two."  
  
"Harry it was not your fault. You can't be too hard on yourself. H...he was sick of being locked up. You can't blame yourself any more than I have blamed myself." With that Harry ran up to the room he and Ron shared at Number 12. Remus heard a slam.  
  
Remus closed his eyes and sat on a step near the bottom of the stairs. He had a vague idea of how Harry was feeling. After all he had lost him too.  
  
"Remus?" came an uncertain voice.  
  
"Hello Tonks" the werewolf replied. "How are you?"  
  
"Remus just give Harry time. He's scared and he just lost the one person he had a chance of having a home with. He'll come through, and he still has you." She let the words hang in the air for what seamed like an eternity. Finally Remus spoke.  
  
"Harry doesn't need me... he needs Sirius. It" But Tonks had cut in.  
  
"It was not your fault. You and Harry are both fighting the same monster. Don't you see? You are fighting your self. Sure there are what ifs but Remus you can't perdict the future. Sirius wanted to go. You tried to stop him, but"  
  
"I didn't stop him. Tonks he was my last friend. You don't really understand what I am going through. There were four and now it's down to 1, me Moony. Tonks that's it, Peter is still alive but he is as good as dead. If I see him he will be dead, Bellatrix too. They will pay dearly for the hell they caused."  
  
"You" Tonks was apparently lost for words.  
  
"I am going to talk to Harry." Remus said with a new passion burning in his heart.  
  
When he reached the door to his surprise it wasn't locked. He decided to knock anyway.  
  
"Go away!"  
  
"I won't Harry, and I will not stand out here and wait for you to be ready to talk because I will be damned if I do."  
  
Harry had never heard Professor Lupin swear before, and was a little taken aback by it. "Fine."  
  
Remus walked and sat down. "Harry" the words came in sharp and hard. "you are the only person that matters. If you die we all die. Brace yourself for that. You can't stop people from dieing, Harry that's life. Your parents died for you, Sirius died for you, and I will die for you. It is all destinies that lead to what happens. God gave people free will, some choose to do good. Others are too scared to fight for what they want so they hide behind people like Voldemort." With that Remus walked out of the room.  
  
"Professor!" Harry yelled after him.  
  
Remus turned around and to his surprise found Harry smiling. "I won't let anyone down."  
  
"I know... so Harry, tell me about the first and second years at school."  
  
"Why? Are you coming back?"  
  
"Yes." 


	4. Intro to a new year an this chap is kind...

*mumbles about stupid disclaimers * I do not own Harry Potter nor Remus Lupin nor any one or any friggin place in this story. But for the sorting I used my friends' and people I hate names because I can't make up names. You know what I don't own my friends either. (The people I hate will be in Slytherin and my friends will be scattered somewhere)  
  
A/n my friend Heather helped with the sorting.  
  
A/n I can't write songs so leave me alone lol............................................and read and review. It makes me happy and helps me update faster.................................. I am betting you want me to start the story now aren't yea?  
  
"Oh when I was newly made and the four founders stood strong, I helped with the sorting. Because it had to be done..." And the hat continued to sing till the song was finished. (A/n told you I couldn't write songs so I stopped well I was ahead)  
  
"When I call your names come up to be sorted... Anderson, Zachary" a tall muscular boy walked up and the hat barely touched his head when it yelled out "Slytherin"  
  
"Aul, Heather" A tall person with blond hair walked up to be sorted. It took the hat a couple of minutes and finally it yelled out "Ravenclaw"  
  
"Avenali, Bradley" A very cute boy with highlights walked up "Gryffindor"  
  
"Bernecky, Trisha" a short girl walked up and the hat took a long time to yell out "Slytherin"  
  
"Bizzak John" A tall cute boy walked up and the hat yelled out "Gryffindor"  
  
"Blankenship Chelle" a short pretty girl walked up and the hat yelled out "Hufflepuff"  
  
"Burten Sara" a tall skinny pretty girl walked up and the hat shouted "Gryffindor"  
  
"Cannella Caitlin" a regular sized girl with glasses walked up and the hat shouted "Gryffindor"  
  
"Carlson David" a short fat boy walked up and the hat took a long time to yell out "Hufflepuff"  
  
"Lupole Courtney" a tall girl walked up "Hufflepuff"  
  
"Linberg Devon" a short kid walked up "Slytherin"  
  
"Smith Cory" A tall cute, boy he walked up it took a couple minutes "Ravenclaw"  
  
Then Prof. Dumbledore stood up and made his beginning of the year speech, "This year we welcome back Prof. Lupin as DADA teacher..." he was cut off by the cheers and applause. "As many of you know Prof. Lupin is a werewolf..."first and second years look terrified. "But being what he is did not stop me from giving him a job because he was third in his year in DADA. James Potter and Sirius Black were the only two who were better then him. Now supper."  
  
After everyone was done eating Ron, Harry, and Hermione walked up to the Gryffindor conmen room, said good bye and went up stairs. As soon as Harry climbed in his bed he fell asleep.  
  
A/n I might update for awhile because I am going to Cedar Point with my friend Courtney on the 27-29 then I have a Church Alter Server trip 


	5. Hard Times Alone and knowing the pain of...

Hi!!! I am JKR!!!!!! * North Warren people come and take me away* ** I am now writing in Pennsylvania's mental hospital **  
  
A/n I know I said I wasn't gonna update till the 31 because I have Rollercoaster Riding Syndrome and can't wait till Courtney and I ride the new rollercoaster at Cedar Point. I didn't think you wanted Remus riding a rollercoaster. This is funny my stupid little thing on Microsoft Word says you can hurt yourself if you run with scissors. SCREW HIM!!!!! It's fun to run with scissors. Lol  
  
A/n I know my last chapter was stupid but I couldn't write what I wanted to say because it didn't correspond with that chapter or the story in general at that point. Did I loose anyone?? Yes? Ok, it didn't make sense to what happened. OH!! Thanks to all the reviewers! I wrote a couple other stories and know one loved me. R/R  
  
Prof. Lupin looked around as the class entered in to his room. It's good to be back he thought, and then his eyes fell on a boy with jet black hair and green eyes. He knew that was why he was back. Harry needed someone who would be there like S-Padfoot. Remus forced himself to look elsewhere well more like at a spot of ink on the ceiling. 7th year James, Sirius, fat little, no just call him Peter, and me. He chuckled out loud and then he remembered why he was looking at that ink dot. "Sorry" he apologized to the class  
  
"What's so funny Professor?" asked Seamus  
  
"Just reminiscing," the reply that came sounded like a muffled sob. It still hurt to think about Sirius and now it hurt to think about James. Come on Moony wake up their dead first Prongs and now Padfoot. Damn it! Why am I the last one? Oh wait I am a teacher, and I am supposed to teach DADA. He decided that he should teach about werewolves, even though he was not keen on the subject.  
  
"Professor what were you reminiscing about?" asked Lavender  
  
"When I was young," He looked up. "Open your books to page..." he flipped threw the book until he had the right page "41. Harry would you like to read about werewolves?"  
  
"Sure" Harry said "The werewolf is found world wide, though it is believed to have originated in northern Europe. Humans turn into werewolves only when bitten. There is no known cure, though recent developments in potion- making have to a great extent alleviated the worst symptoms. Once a month, at the full moon, the otherwise sane and normal wizard or Muggle afflicted transforms into a murderous beast. Almost uniquely among fantastic creatures, the werewolf actively seeks humans in preference to any other kind of pray."  
  
"Thank you Harry. You see being a werewolf means that I am not human to most people because of the human pray thing. But I have never bitten anyone... yet. You see even though there is no cure and the potion just makes me safe but the pain of my transformations still comes every month. It hurts like... hell." Remus took of his shabby robes and shirt and revel a heavily scared chest and arms.  
  
"Professor?" the whole class was at lost for words.  
  
"The wolf is always present, like around the full moon all I eat is meat. When I get angry the wolf almost always overpowers me. And when someone I care about gets killed or hurt the pack instinct comes full blast. And I do more damage to myself. After James and Lily Potter were killed, Sirius Black imprisoned, and Peter Pettigrew was supposed to be dead. I almost killed myself. The wolf knew his pack was gone and it hurt. He knew that Padfoot wasn't gonna be there to howl with him, or Prongs wasn't gonna stomp his feat impatiently, and Wormtail wasn't gonna be there to have Prongs and Padfoot save him from Moony's hungry mouth. I knew that and the wolf knew that. I really didn't want to live alone, I missed my friends, and I needed them. They always were there and then suddenly they weren't there for me. It was just me." He took a deep breath. At some point he had gotten off track, he wanted to stop it all the unreachable hopes and dreams, but most of all the pain of being alone. That pain he had once felt so strong, after Lily and James had died and his world torn apart was back. He didn't want to feel that way; he didn't want to live. "I want to die." Remus knew he said that out loud because there was a sharp intake of breath. "I'm alone; a werewolf facing the world when I know no one really cares. My life was over fifteen years ago. I didn't know that one night we would all be sitting around talking like we had forever to talk then 24 hours later The Marauders would either be dead, imprisoned, alone wondering why he was left, or a traitor, who still goes by the nickname his 3 friends gave him, Wormtail. Who laughed with us, pulled pranks with us; he called us his friends. The wolf should have picked up on the sent of a traitor. I should have known. I can smell fear on people. I know when people lie." At this he broke down.  
  
I know so evil... please review please review please review please review please review please review please review please review please review please review please review please review please review please review please review please review please review please review please review please review please review please review please review please review please review please review please review please review please review please review please review please review please review please review It makes my day 


	6. Knowing his feelings

Disclaimer- * sighs * this is a waste of time. I wish I did but I don't and I will never own Harry Potter.  
  
The Gryffindor sixth years sat down in Transfiguration, and broke out into a babble of what happened in DADA, when professor McGonagall walked in.  
  
"Professor McGonagall?"  
  
"Yes Seamus?"  
  
"What's wrong with Professor Lupin?"  
  
"I thought that was what you wanted to know about. Remus Lupin is going through the loss of a friend. He has lost 4 friends to Voldemort, James and Lily Potter. James, Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew" (she had said Peter's name as if it was a foul word) "they became animangi illegally when they found out about his lycanthropy. They were trouble makers; all together they properly had around 3,986 detentions. Even the Weasley twins didn't even come close. But they all had hearts, James and Sirius were loud, Peter was...um... well... he... was... they felt sorry for him, Remus was shy. James, Sirius, and Remus were top of their year in everything."  
  
"Wow." Said Lavender softly, "Poor guy."  
  
"Yea," Neville said. "I saw him die."  
  
"Did you say his first name was Remus?"  
  
"Yes." Prof. McGonagall said tartly, "I am sure Professor Lupin would not be happy to know that we were talking about him."  
  
The lessen went on with no farther interruptions, unless you count Neville blowing up the desk in front of him. Poor Seamus looked like a charred hotdog. (Sorry I had to put that) And Professor McGonagall was reminded of a little incident in which Peter almost killed Remus.  
  
______________________Flash Back_________________________________________  
  
"I don't think Peter can do this." Remus said turning around to face his three best friends.  
  
"Have faith Moony, Wormtail just might surprise you one day."  
  
"He could, but I would never sit willingly in front of him when he is using a spell, no offence Wormtail." He added as a afterthought.  
  
Then James broke in "Then why are you sitting in front of him then?"  
  
"Ummmmm because McGonagall made me sit here", He replied coldly.  
  
"Prongs what are you gonna do about Evens?" Sirius asked as Lily walked by.  
  
"Hex her until she goes out with me?"  
  
"Prongs" Remus sighed, "You are the biggest git in the world to think that that would work."  
  
"Am I?"  
  
"Yes, you need to treat Lily as a person and not call her by her surname, and not hexing people might work."  
  
"So you telling me I have to change who I am?"  
  
"Yea kind of like that."  
  
"Your kind Moony."  
  
"It just might work you never know."  
  
"Moony's got a point, Prongs" Sirius said  
  
"We could just let him screw up by himself."  
  
The other 3 shot Peter death glares  
  
"Maybe not", they heard him mutter.  
  
"Do you think it would work then?"  
  
"Prongs!" Sirius sighed  
  
"ALL THREE OF YOU WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU CAN TALK WHENEVER???????????" Professor McGonagall yelled. (This happened a lot to them.)  
  
"We... well... um... Remus..."  
  
"Don't use my name retard!" Remus whispered harshly.  
  
Sirius continued as though he had not heard Remus' death sentence to him.  
  
"And... um...."  
  
"What he is trying to say Professor is that Remus really doesn't trust Peter to do the spell and well."  
  
"HAY! I can to do the spell! Watch me!" He muttered the spell and instead of turning his cat in to a puppy Remus was thrown across the room, unconscious.  
  
_________________________End of flash back________________________________  
  
Professor McGonagall went over to Seamus. "Potter please escort him to the Hospital Wing."  
  
As soon as they left the room Seamus broke in to babble about something that made no sense.  
  
"Amuttor lonmes"  
  
"Seamus that made no sense."  
  
Finally they arrived at the Hospital wing, and as usual Madam Pomfrey didn't ask too many questions.  
  
A/n please review NO FLAMES!! They melt my computer. 


	7. A Unanswered Howl

I am JKR and am richer than the Queen of England. If you believe this you are the world's most gullible person.  
  
A/n you love me!! And to the person who said I couldn't spell (you said it really nice) I know spell checker doesn't catch every mistake; I failed like all of my spelling tests in school. It's a wonder of the world that I will be in Spanish 2, instead of reading with the world's shortest teacher.  
  
Remus sat there alone by the lake; he knew that what he felt was probably 1 percent of what Harry felt. Harry had guilt, but Remus knew it was his fault, not Harry's. The passion and renewal of life he had felt at Number 12 was gone. Sure it brought back memories of Sirius, but Hogwarts was unbearable. Every good memory was here; he closed his eyes to fight back the tiers he knew he could not stop. He had lost everyone.  
  
"Dear God", he prayed, "bring them back. All of them; James, Lily, Sirius, I don't like being alone. Why am I left? LORD? What do I have to give the world? I know I have Harry. Please God make this go away. You gave me friends and then took them away. Please. How many times have you answered prayers? Most of them go unheard. Jesus, my savior; I need your hope. I need to have the strength to be a man, to wake up tomorrow. It hurts. I want to die. When is it my turn? When will I be with my friends? I know you can hear me. Please LORD, send me a sign. All of this I ask in your name AMEN." Remus needed hope. God always provided hope. He sensed he was being watched; slowly he turned his tear streaked face around to see Harry Potter looking at him.  
  
"I thought I would find you here." He said with false cheer.  
  
"You looked at the map?"  
  
"Yes I did. Professor you can't beat yourself up. It hurts me to, I never knew my parents. He was like a father to me."  
  
"And he was like a brother to me." Remus said threw choked sobs.  
  
"Do you believe in God, Heaven, and in miracles?" It was more of a statement then the formulation of words made it out to be.  
  
"Yes, Harry I do."  
  
"Then they are here in our heart. Their words, their dreams, and their hopes can live on can't they?"  
  
"I feel like I am having a conversation with your father." And for the first time he smiled.  
  
"Is that a good thing?" Harry asked quietly.  
  
"As long as you don't hex me", he said getting up.  
  
"Don't leave me", Harry said suddenly.  
  
"What?" Remus asked the question had been totally unexpected.  
  
"Don't leave me." He repeated.  
  
Remus wanted to hug Harry and tell him he wouldn't leave him alone. But that would probably be a lie. "Harry if I die", this wasn't gonna be easy. "I'll be happy. You can understand that can't you?" Harry looked at him. "Living is something I don't want to do anymore."  
  
"What would you do if I say the same thing?" He said  
  
"Tell you that you are the hope of the whole world. We are all small potatoes compared to you. If you die, Harry the whole world dies."  
  
"Right but I don't want to lose anyone else." Harry said, "Maybe I should just make myself an outcast until the war is over."  
  
"Harry, that has logic. But I hate to tell you that would not work. What would Sirius think? I bet he is telling you parents that his godson is still crying about him, wishing he was not dead. Then laughing at me, all three of them. Maybe not Lily, but James and Sirius would. Now I believe we are missing diner. Unless you want to steal from the house elves we should get going."  
  
"Professor?"  
  
"Yes Harry?"  
  
"Does this help?"  
  
"Does what help?"  
  
"Talking, because it helps me."  
  
"Yes Harry it does help."  
  
They walked up to the castle together. Remus knew something that day. Harry James Potter was more like James, Lily, and Sirius. God had answered his prayer. For now he had hope, but memories still hurt. Moony still hurt. Forever he would howl for his pack. An unanswered howl.  
  
A/n *looks at readers* Thank you for reading my really sad fic, some parts made my cry (I think it had something to do with the song I was listing to) Now it is your turn to make my day see that perdy little button on the bottom left hand corner ( I think) of the screen? Click it and review. 


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